Wednesday, February 23, 2011


I met Wes, we fell in love, got married,
and roughly two years later we had a sweet baby girl we named 

roughly two and a half years after that this happened:

I poured myself a glass of apple juice into a wine glass.
 Sometimes I think glass cups can smell like wet dog. I know. It's weird. 
But my regular cups all smelled funny after their last time in the dishwasher and it grossed me out. 
so. recap: juice. wine glass.

Charlotte woke up from her nap
...Just as Juliette woke up from her nap

I start changing the baby's diaper

Charlotte yells down to me 
that she's SO hot, her room is SO hot, she doesn't like her room, stomping, whining, 
hates room, still hot, lots of hate, ect.

I walk away from the bed where I'm changing the diaper to yell up the stairs to sass-pants that if certain attitudes do not correct themselves someone will be spending lots more time in their awful, hate-filled, too-hot room.

I look down and realize I'm holding a diaper. 
Which means the baby is not wearing it.

{the spiral begins}

dash back to baby.

too late. sheets. blankets. washing machine.

Charlotte stomps downstairs wearing her bathing suit, two different socks, 
and a nasty look on her face.

Me: You can NOT wear that.
For the millionth time, we do NOT wear bathing suits 
when it's cold outside. Go put real clothes on.

Her: But I. Am. HOTTTT!!! 
{dissolves into hysterics on the floor}

Me: It's 68. not hot. clothes. NOW.
{please understand that I have an exact replica of this conversation 
and I do not make my child live in a boiling sauna}


Calmly step over screaming toddler. Pick up glass of juice. Pick up baby.

Door Bell Rings

Answer Door. Expect husband, neighbor, or fedex man.

It's a man. lost. asking for directions.

He stares at me. Then at Charlotte writhing on the floor. 
Then at my naked baby.
Then at me. 
Then at my glass of what clearly looks like a HUGE-ass serving of chardonnay.
 At 3:00 in the afternoon.

Before I can even try to help him, he says
"it's ok ma'am. it looks like you...have your hands full here."
and then backs down the steps.

to his car.

to probably call child services.

Happy Wednesday, dolls.


  1. haaaaaahahaha (not at you, just the situation as a whole) miss you guys!

  2. That just made me laugh- OUT. Loud.

  3. Girl, that is hillarious!! I am dying laughing!


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